Erectile Dysfunction: The Experience of Women Partners

In 2005, a study by William Fisher and his colleagues, on the sexual experience of women whose males partners suffered from erectile dysfunction, was published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine (volume 2; pages 675-684). Research on erectile dysfunction has largely looked at the experience of this condition among men; far less attention has been paid to the perceptions and sexual experiences of their women partners. The study by Fisher and his colleagues was carried out to explore the attitudes, beliefs, and sexual experience of the women partners of men with erectile difficulties.

With the consent of each of their men partners, 293 women completed a questionnaire on their sexual experience, both before and after the development of their partner's erectile problem, and in relation to their partner's use prescribed drugs to deal with it. This study was part of a long term on-going research programme.

The women reported less frequent sexual activity after their partner developed erectile problems than before. Fewer women experienced sexual desire, arousal or orgasm and fewer women reported satisfaction with their sexual relationship after their partner developed his erectile problem than before. Decreases in the women’s sexual satisfaction and frequency of orgasm were related to the severity of their man’s erectile problem. However, the proportion of women who experienced sexual desire, arousal, and orgasm "almost always" or "most times" was higher in the group whose men were using prescribed drugs to manage their erections.

Overall, erectile dysfunction had an adverse effects on the woman partner's sexual experience. Women with partners who were currently using prescribed drugs had a more satisfying sexual experience than those whose partners did not.

Niamh Jamieson

Compulsive Sexual Behaviour

We argue on this blog that sexual expression is a natural part of a well-rounded and healthy life. But what if you have an overwhelming urge for sex and are so intensely preoccupied with it that your health, your job, your relationships and your whole life are affected? This state has been called compulsive sexual behaviour. For some it is a real problem and most medical websites treat as such.

Compulsive sexual behaviour is sometimes called nymphomania in women and hypersexuality in men. Some have called it sexual addiction. The use of this term draws a direct link between the "high" of sexual activity with that of alcohol, drug or gambling addiction. Whether this is a reasonable comparison or not, compulsive sexual behaviour is generally considered a disorder by the medical profession and one in which you just cannot resist the temptation or drive to have sex. The central features of these disorders are that sexual activity is an insatiable need, often interfering with other areas of everyday functioning; sex is impersonal, with no emotional intimacy; and despite frequent orgasms, sexual activity is generally not satisfying. The impulses to engage in sex can be chronic and intense, and may feel as if they are beyond control. It can be expressed in terms of:

§ Having multiple sexual partners or extramarital affairs
§ Having sex with anonymous partners or prostitutes
§ Avoiding emotional involvement in sexual relationships
§ Using commercial sexually explicit phone and Internet services
§ Engaging in excessive masturbation
§ Frequently using pornographic materials
§ Engaging in masochistic or sadistic sex
§ Exposing yourself in public ~ exhibitionism.

These things are often the very core of peoples' fantasies but in compulsive sexual behaviour are a reality.

It has been argued that people with compulsive sexual behaviour often use sex as an escape from other problems, such as loneliness, depression, anxiety or stress. Those with compulsive sexual behaviour may be married or in a committed relationship and appear to live otherwise normal lives. Compulsive sexual behaviour can affect anyone regardless of sexual preferences, including heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual preferences.

The label of nymphomania is used in a pejorative and derogatory manner, almost exclusively in reference to women. To many men, the idea of a woman with a greater sex drive than their own is somewhat threatening, so they may use the label to preserve their own egos by "proving" that the woman is abnormal. Similarly, men with sexual dysfunction might accuse their partners of being oversexed in an effort to hide their own fears or sense of inadequacy, just as some women who object to the frequency of their partner's sexual advances might accuse him of being oversexed The difference is that the double standard which exists in our society congratulates a man who is highly sexed and has many partners, calling him a "stud", whereas a woman with the same behaviour is often called a "nympho", which carries a negative connotation.

Niamh Jamieson

Viagra Use in Heterosexual Relationships: Womens' Perspective

While much is known about the drugs used by men for the treatment of erectile difficulties, there remains a marked lack of knowledge of the experiences of their sexual partners. It appears that little research has looked at the impact on women of the use of Viagra within heterosexual relationships. An interesting qualitative study by Annie Potts and her colleagues in New Zealand has been published in Sociology of Health and Illness in 2003 (Volume 25 Pages 697-719) on this issue. It involved in-depth interviews with 27 women whose partners used Viagra.

The research identified three key issues in those interviews which related to womens’ concerns regarding the use of Viagra by their male partners. They were: the neglect of the woman’s perspectives by those producing and prescribing Viagra; the impact of Viagra use on the nature of relationships and the broader socio-cultural implications of Viagra use. These included the impact of a Viagra culture on the way we understand sexuality in older age, and on our ideas about male and female sexuality. The link with ageing is interesting.

Annie Potts and her colleagues argued that, while previous medically-oriented research on Viagra use has generally assumed that the link between it and penetrative sex within women partners’ perspectives and desires and to the nature of relationships. They also believed that, while the publicity surrounding Viagra may potentially facilitate more positive attitudes to sexuality in older age, it may also produce a societal expectation that ‘healthy’ and ‘normal’ life for older people requires the continuation of energetic sex lives focused on penetrative intercourse.

Women and Masturbation

Masturbation is something that many people hate to talk about although most do indulge themselves. For many years, it was seen as something dirty and forbidden and especially for women. Many older women still feel that way: they are very wrong. For women, there are not as many physical signs that we are turned on as there are for men. This means that young girls, and sometimes older women, do not always understand or recognise their sexual feelings. Furthermore, women generally do not know the feel of their genitals as well as men do. Unlike the penis, the vagina is not used to being touched all the time. The penis is often rubbed throughout the day my mens' briefs especially if they wear ones which are figure hugging. So generally speaking, women need longer than men do to get used to and understand the idea of masturbation.

Girls start exploring their bodies much later than boys and the majority of women do not start masturbating until after they have started having sex. Having said that young girls, like young boys, often do play with their own genitals and those of others during their early and pre adolescent years. The question is 'is this really masturbation?'. Mutual pre sex play is more about exploration than pleasure.


According to research, the average women only masturbates once every three months. This is a lot less than most think. Certainly from the chats that occur on Facebook, masturbation would seem far more common and frequent. However, the sample here is young, liberated and very open minded. I also suspect that there is some female bragging happening as well as some fantasising. In later life it appears, the more sexually fulfilled a woman is, the more often she masturbates and the more orgasms she has in doing so, the more she wants! A pleasantly rewarding psychological dependence can build up but cause little or no harm. But, at the same time, women can also go longer without sex than men and without feeling hard done by. Masturbation also appears to correlate with partnered sexual activity: the more sex a woman has with partners, the more she masturbates as well. However, the correlation is modest so, for many, this is not true.


When women masturbate, what do they usually do? Again from the chats on Facebook, one might conclude that vibrators, and other more exotic sex toys, were essential for successful masturbation in women. That seems not to be the case: the humble fingers are the most used means to arousal and climax.


Not surprisingly, the top position is one in which the woman llies on her back with both hands free to caress the clitoris using her fingers. Rhythm and pressure are key here and a very personal choice. Some women like and need only the most gentle and passing of touches; others like or need to really work themselves hard. The second most common position is the woman lying on her stomach with one or both hands caressing the clitoris underneath her. Again, she uses her fingers. For the third most common position, a soft object or soft toy is used to rub the clitoris. For adolescent girls, and may be their mothers, the ubiquitous traditional teddy bear was equipped with arms that have proved, over many generations, most suitable for this task! Other common techniques include squeezing the thighs together repeatedly, somehow using a jet of water in the shower and inserting fingers or vibrators into the vagina. Some women also lie on their stomach and, by rubbing against whatever is underneath them, build up the pressure on the Mount of Venus. This can lead to orgasm.


There appear to be many male fantasies about other objects being inserted into womens' vaginas to good effect; some of these fantasies are also shared by women. This is not so common. Clitoral stimulation is the most common form of masturbation in women. We are much more likely to reach orgasm that way and rarely peak through penetration alone.


It is something that the woman can do for herself, be in total control, or she can do it with a man or with a woman. Some say that women know much more what other women like and this may be true for masturbation. Masturbating with another woman does not necessarily make you a lesbian or bisexual: the mutual act may just be 'good sex' and this sort of play harks back to pre adolescent experience.


Fantasies are often key to successful masturbation and many women build up and elaborate on fantasies which prove effective in helping them reach orgasm. Masturbating with another person can also be made more exciting, it appears, if these fantasies are shared.


Masturbation is good and healthy and helps women to learn more about their bodies and how to reach orgasm. It should never be discouraged or frowned upon. It is a natural part of a woman's sex life and is a pro health act. Knowing exactly what can bring you, as a woman, to orgasm enhances your sex life with or without a partner!


Blondie

BONK: The Curious Coupling of Sex and Science

Another interesting book just published on sexual behaviour over the ages: BONK by Mary Roach (Canongate, £ 12.99). This book has received mixed reviews but seems, on balance, worth a read. Mary is clearly dedicated to putting herself and her husband through several interesting experiments and the book is generally well researched. There are some real nuggets of genuinely fascinating sex-science trivia but also some gory details as well. Some will like both! I now know, for example, that tall, big breasted women are harder to please in bed and that the normal range for a flaccid penis to grow is from 1.6 inches to 4.7 inches. Did you know that corpses can still have orgasms? I think that you will enjoy this book: recommend it.

Sexual Fantasies: Blog Poll

The blog is running a poll of the nature of the most popular and most used sexual fantasies (see right hand column). Please record your votes: it is anonymous.

Fantasies are daydreams, imaginary visions, whimsical speculations or wishful thinking. Everybody fantasises at some level. If you've ever imagined what you'd do if you won the lottery, you have used fantasy. If you have ever looked at someone in the street or at a party and imagined what it would be like to have sex with them: you have used sexual fantasy.

Fantasy is a fundamental part of human nature and a healthy part. We see active imagination as healthy in children, helping them to develop, but often as something that adults should grow out of. Most people never do. Even if we must suppress our sexual imagination during the day, all those unconscious thoughts can emerge while we are sleeping. Sometimes those dreams are pleasant sometimes not so pleasant: sexual or otherwise. Sometimes we can remember our dreams and sometimes we know that we have dreamed but cannot recall them.

This is an intriguing and not so well understood area of sexual behaviour and health. It is also a fun area. So please complete the poll.

Blondie

The Wisdom of Whores

Elizabeth Pisani has just published an interesting book entitled "The Wisdom of Whores: Bureaucrats, Brothels and the Business of AIDS ". It was published by Granta Books in May 2008(£ 17.99).

The book is not as many would think the title suggests about whores and what they know and do not know or do, but about the United nations' policy and the successes but also the failures and failures in the thinking behind the agencies actions. It explores the nature of the AIDS mafia that has grown up around the fight to control the spread of this disease.Elizabeth's main thesis is that fighting HIV/AIDS is unlike the struggle against many other threatening diseases because 'its about sex, stupid!'. Actually, her book makes clear that it is actually about 'education, poverty, gender rights and sex and drug injection (and, in China, contaminated blood).' Nevertheless, Alex Rention reviewing the book for the Sunday Times (UK) says: 'this is an important and wise book and it it is not on the bedside table of all UN agency managers soon, they should consider resignation.'

Apparently, Elizabeth herself is a member of what she calls the Aids mafia. She worked during what she refers to as “the excitement and optimism” of the early years of the global Aids response, slipping with worrying ease and no qualifications from journalism into epidemiology and HIV research for the United Nations' only body devoted to one disease alone: UNAids.

This book is to be recommended as a serious read for those concerned with the health downside of the world's unsafe sex life and controlling the spread of HIV/AIDS.

Blondie

The Book of Revelation

First there was the book by Rupert Thomson published by Bloomsbury Press in 1999. It was one of the most imaginative erotic books of recent times. “On a bright spring day in Amsterdam, a man goes out to buy a packet of cigarettes. He is a dancer: charismatic, talented, physically beautiful. What happens next takes him completely by surprise and marks him forever. His abduction by three strangers (women) and his subsequent imprisonment in a mysterious white room have consequences that are both poignant and highly disturbing.”

Now there is the film by the same title directed by Ana Kokkinos and written by Ana and Rupert. based on his book."An erotic mystery about power and sex, the entanglement of victim and perpetrator, and a man's struggle to regain his lost self.”

The book is a MUST read and the film a MUST watch.

Blondie

Testosterone Can Improve Women's Sex Lives

There is evidence that testosterone therapy can improve women’s sex lives particularly as they grow older. For example, in 2004, the Swedish newspaper ScienceDaily (November 23rd) reported research by the gynaecologist Angelique Flöter Rådestad on the effects of combined testosterone and oestrogen therapy on the sexuality and well-being of women who had had their uterus and ovaries removed.

Previous studies had shown that hormones like oestrogen and progesterone could have beneficial effects on the quality of life after menopause. Little was known, however, about the effects of testosterone. When both ovaries have been removed, the production of testosterone is reduced by half, which can affect women’s sexual function and well-being.

Angelique’s research clearly demonstrated that women who received a combination treatment of oestrogen and testosterone for 6 months experienced a significant improvement in certain aspects of their sexual function. The research also showed that endogenous testosterone plays a role in sexual desire, arousal, and satisfaction. A testosterone supplement increased women's interest and joy in sex and their satisfaction with the extent of their sex life. Combined testosterone/estrogen treatment and placebo/estrogen improved psychological well-being just as much.

Adapted from materials provided by Swedish Research Council.

Blondie

The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker

I have just finished reading a really 'good' book by Suzanne Portnoy called "The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker". It is published by Virgin Books (this year 2008: £7.99) and is available in most bookshops. The cover blurb says:

"After a love affair with a man three thousand miles away she met online, Suzanne Portnoy - mother of two and a top executive in the entertainment industry - begins her sexual reawakening. Insatiable, Suzanne dives into the swinging scene and works her way through an entire spectrum of sexual experience, including exhibitionism, group sex, fetish clubs, and a predilection for picking up men in her lunch hour."

Suzanne Portnoy takes pleasure without commitment and tells her story without a trace of shame. Her blog is also well worth a visit and I have listed it on this site.

Read it ....

Blondie